Cat Department Course Catalog

CAT 101: Intro to Snuggles

This freshman survey course will cover the basics of introductory snuggling. Topics to be covered include purring, head rubs, and people kisses. Familiarity with “making the bread” technique recommended.
Instructor: Miz Kirby

CAT 109: Beginner Naps

50% of your day is spent in light sleep. Are you making the most of your naps? This course addresses the various positions, locations, and styles available to potential nappers. Special attention will be paid to the “on important papers” location and the “upside down smiling face” position.
Instructor: Sadie Zap

CAT 118: Suitcases

In this course, learn the warning signs of your person’s imminent departure, often symbolized by the opening of a suitcase. We’ll discuss different types of suitcases and the best place to sit on or in them to impede your person’s ability to pack and depart. Other departure warning signs will also be covered, including cleaning frenzies, extra bowls of water, and a radio/light left on in the bedroom.
Instructor: Bailey

CAT 132: Laundry I

A hamper filled with clothes waiting to be washed is a feline paradise. Burrowing opportunities abound, and everything smells like your person. Hiding in the basket, stealing items such as socks, and scattering the clothes/upending the basket will all be covered.
Instructor: O’Malley’s Ghost

CAT 133: Laundry II

A follow-up to the popular Laundry I, this course covers the possibilities inherent in a basket of clean laundry. We’ll dive into diving into the basket, meditation to induce shedding on the clothes, peeing in the basket to express anger or frustration, and scattering the clothes/upending the basket.
Instructor: Princess Bandit

CAT 231: Advanced Snuggles

Building on the basic skills covered in CAT 101, in this course you’ll learn advance snuggling techniques designed to bring your adorability to the next level. A combination of specific movements and positions will both induce your person to pick you up for an impromptu snuggle and cause them to exclaim, “You’re so cute!” after the snuggle commences. Guest lecturers will be utilized for some positions. Please check with your veterinarian before beginning this or any form of strenuous exercise.
Prerequisite: CAT 101
Instructor: Miz Kirby

CAT 226: Situational Sounds

Instructor: With over 100 vocal sounds to choose from, communication with your human should be a breeze. From the “really, wake up, feed me now” soliciting purr to the “I want that bird” machine-gun chirp, this course will address sounds with specific meanings to help you get your point across.
Instructor: Bailey

CAT 345: Haters & Allergics

Learn to use your innate psychic abilities to identify people who don’t like cats and/or are allergic to them and maximize their discomfort by outward shows of extreme interest and affection. $10 materials fee.
Prerequisite: CAT 231
Instructor: Miz Kirby

CAT 410: Hijinks

Any kitten can get away with destructive hijinks, but what about the adult cat? In this course, re-learn some of the most enjoyable hijinks you can get into, but also how to turn your person’s ire into “awww” by way of cute facial expressions and lovable post-hijinks behaviors. This master class will cover a wide variety of destructive hijinks, including: knocking things down, stealing food off plates and running away with it, sliding behind books on shelves to knock them onto the floor, slithering into kitchen cabinets to knock things over, eating plastic shower curtains, knocking paintings off walls, and more.
Instructor: Pickle


Yesterday when I came home from co-working with Andrea (all WCSF, all the time, that’s us), I was surprised to see a crow sitting in my front yard. You don’t usually see crows sitting on the ground, so at first I thought it had been injured — despite repeated pleas from the Audubon Society and the American Bird Conservancy for people to keep their cats indoors, there are a lot of free-roaming cats in my neighborhood. I walked toward it to check (I grew up with an endless stream of injured wild animals being rehabbed thanks to my mom and grandparents), but it stood up and started walking around.
a crow in the front yard
As I got even closer it finally flew away, and I went about my business.

This morning I walked over to the coffee shop on the corner while it was still dark. When I came back the sun was up and I saw something dark in the yard in the same spot the crow had been sitting in the day before. It was the crow again. I thought maybe it was sick or stunned, but I could walk right up to it and it was not moving — neither the tremble that goes with the trauma stillness so common to birds, nor any movement indicating breathing. So I guess it died. Why it came back to that same exact spot I have no idea. It didn’t really look like it had fallen out of the air while flying, it looked like it had been sitting there again and keeled over (though I suppose Jasper the neighbor cat might have had a hand in it, I didn’t see any obvious attack signs).

They say finding a dead crow on your lawn is a sign of good luck, because crows in general are an omen of death and misfortune. I happen to really like crows and don’t think of them that way (possibly because of nursing a crow back to health with my family when I was a kid). To me it just means I have to dig a hole (note to self: buy shovel since SE Tool Library not open until weekend) and bury the bird. That said, I have a couple of trees arriving this weekend that I’m supposed to plant anyway, so at least one of them will get some good fertilizer.